“CNBC – Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg fired back at Tim Cook, arguing the Apple CEO’s recent criticism about the social media company and its handling of the Cambridge Analytica scandal was “extremely glib.”
Now we’re talking. Last week, super nerd Tim Cook decided it was time to talk some unprovoked shit about Facebook, and proceeded to stuff billionaire alien, Mark Zuckerberg, in a locker. Cook was trying to make the point that because Apple sells products vs. offering a free service, they’d never find themselves in the position of selling their users’ private information to advertisers and data miners for monetary gain. I was surprised (but delighted) he chose to open his mouth, because that’s just asking for an embarrassing data privacy issue of your own. Zuckerberg fired back at Cook on former WaPo wonk, Ezra Klein’s podcast. After mustering up all of the social skills he managed to observe and replicate in his thirty-three years on this planet, he called Cook’s comments “extremely glib” and said that the small-brained human race is suffering from an Apple-induced episode of Stockholm Syndrome. BURN.
This is a battle that Zuckerberg just can’t win. Cook may be a nerd, but he’s infinitely more likable (and human) than Zuckerberg is. Anyone that read Accidental Billionaires or saw The Social Network knows the weight of self-consciousness Zuckerberg carries around is so massive, it may very well collapse in on itself one day, creating a black hole so powerful that no data miner could ever suck information out of Facebook’s servers again. That same self-consciousness morphed into a sense of resentment throughout his college years, when he couldn’t fathom why his intelligence wasn’t valued by the broader swath of society (chicks def included). People pick up on that kinda stuff, and it makes that individual seem off-putting, which is why Zuck can’t win this fight. People have known the guy is a weirdo for years, and we’ve been waiting for a reason to not like him – which has finally arrived. So sit back and enjoy the show folks, because each time he concludes an interview that doesn’t help save his image (or his stock price), he is sitting there, stewing in his big alien brain, reverting back to his adolescent years, wondering why the broader swath of society JUST. CAN’T UNDERSTAND. That’s when the meltdown will begin, like when J.P the Robot get’s that voicemail in “Grandma’s Boy” (which is in the hall of fame of underrated flicks, just behind “That’s My Boy”).
I would like to point out: maybe we are suffering from an Apple-induced episode of Stockholm Syndrome? The Company literally admitted to throttling performance on older iPhones (accidentally, of course) and nobody cared. That was always amazing to me.